


All of You

by fangirl_haven



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anxiety, Blow Jobs, Bottom Jean Kirstein, Daddy Kink, Depression, F/M, Jean Kirstein Supremacy, Oral Sex, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Smut, Switch Reader, Top Jean Kirstein, thigh riding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:55:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29052495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl_haven/pseuds/fangirl_haven
Summary: I love Jean. I love him and this is solely for self gratification first. There gonna be some heavy themes in the future. Some mental health issues and whatnot. It’s set in no specific time between season 1 and 2 and it doesn’t follow the manga or the show. There will be smut in the future yes. tags are for future chapters yes and I will probably add as I go.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Reader
Kudos: 15





	All of You

It was moments like this where you wondered how you got cursed with such a life. Once again, running for your short mortal life, hoping to escape a monstrous being who simply had a taste for human blood. You’d rather be anything but this, a bird, a fish, hell even a spider although you despised the damn things. You risked a look behind you and cursed yourself for it. You had had a team, at one point, the five of you set off on a side mission. Clear as many titans as you could before they got to the walls. But fate had other ideas, and soon left you alone in clothes wet with blood from yourself and those dear to you. You were surprised with how long your gear had held up, expecting it to have given out far sooner. You could see wall Maria from where you flew through the trees, a small grain of hope blooming in your chest. There you would have help. Taking a titan on along, in the state you were in would be suicide. Your injuries weren’t dire but they would be in you continued to let them go. Knowing that slacking off for a single second would cost you your life, you threw yourself forward with vigor, approaching the wall and fast, using the rest of the gas for your gear to get there.   
Eren was the first face you saw from your knees, hands shaking from fear and adrenaline.   
“Y/n! Are you okay? Can you hear me y/n?” Eren questioned, coming to kneel beside you, a hand on your shoulder. You flinched slightly, pushing his hand away.   
“They’re dead, they’re all dead,” you breathed, your own hand clutching your cut side, blood seeping through the fabric.   
“You need help y/n, your bleeding,” Eren said gently. You might bleed out,” he added gently. You nodded slowly, not really paying attention to him, getting up on shaky knees. “I don’t think you should do that, you’re tired, and hurt,” he added catching you when you fell forward.   
“They, they all died Eren,” you breathed, looking up at him through teary eyes. “Everyone of them,” He nodded gently, picking you up and holding you close to his chest.   
“You need to get some rest okay,” he said softly as if you weren’t already out of it.  
“Are the others?” You began to ask, too tired to fight the closing of your eyes  
-time skip-  
You woke up to a faint itch on your arm, looking down at the IV placed there.   
“You woke up, good. I was a little worried you had dyed on me,” Looking up you could place the sweet voice to an older lady. Motherly she seemed. “You’re probably wondering where you are. You in the hospital at the moment. You had a bad run-in with some titans.” You nodded, remembering how the others had dyed gruesome deaths, and here you were. “I know your friends will be glad to see you awake, they’ve come to visit every day. Not all at the same time, of course, they had to make my life harder,” she said with a chuckle, smiling fondly.  
“I don’t really have friends,” you said shaking your head and sitting up slowly.  
“That’s not what they seem to think. The blond one seems to really like you too. A handsome young fellow might I add.” You knew she was talking about Jean and you blushed at the thought.  
“Jean? No, he’s just being nice. I’m not exactly pretty enough to be his type.” The nurse turned to you as if debating whether she should say something or not and deciding against it.   
“Well, if I may, I have to say you’re a very beautiful young girl.”  
“That’s what all older ladies say,” you said jokingly. “Don’t give me false hope,” you added softly. She seemed to be able to sense your discomfort and she came to your side to disconnect the IV.   
“Now that you’re awake, you should be able to head back. But be careful not to overexert yourself, you lost quite a bit of blood.” Nodding you thanked her gently, mounting your hose slowly.   
“Glad to see you made it out alive Von,” you said softly coaxing your horse into a soft canter. The titans hadn’t been able to breach the walls from what you could see, and you found a bit of comfort in that. You took your time riding back, feeling the sun on your face and enjoying the non-existent need to run for your life at the moment. But all good things must come to an end and you sighed when you found yourself back at HQ. With a sigh, you led Vontaria to the stables, pressing a soft kiss to her nose. Eren was the first to see you, dropping his current task to run to hug you tightly. “Too tight Eren,” you breathed, tapping his shoulder.   
“Sorry! I was just worried, can’t have my best friend dying you know?” He said with a slight blush.   
“You need to worry about keeping yourself alive Jaeger,” you added playfully, punching his shoulder. “What is everyone up to?” You asked, crossing your arms gently. Your body felt sore when you moved, knowing you would feel it even more later.   
“Doing small things here and there. We’ve had plenty of time to rest,”  
“A warm bath sounds nice,” you breathed softly, only beginning to realize you were wearing the same bloodied clothes you had on before.   
“I can get you some new clothes,” Eren offered.  
“I got it, I can do some things on my own,” you joked. “Thank you though,” you added before making your way to your room, keeping your head down.   
“Y/n?” You knew that voice immediately. Anyone would know the voice of the man they had been pining after for years.   
“Hey Jean,” you breathed softly, giving him a small wave. He seemed shocked seeing you in front of him. “Jean?” You breathed, stepping closer to him. “You okay?” You asked waving a hand in front of his face.  
“I thought you were dead,” he said gently. Your face fell at that, your hand falling limply to your side.  
“I should be,” you said with a shrug. “I gotta get some clothes, I’ll see you later?” You asked, wanting to move before he saw you cry.   
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said softly. “It’s just no one would tell us what happened, and w-”  
“I don’t blame them. Why would they tell you about how I failed and watched the rest of my team get torn apart and eaten, and how I ran selfishly. Why would they tell people that? Scouts are supposed to be the toughest out of all of us. What I did? That was weak.”  
“So it would be better if you had died then?” Jean asked, laying a hand on your shoulder.  
“Yes.” He seemed taken aback by your response as he looked down at you. “Not all of us are perfect like Mikasa, or as driven or as smart as Eren and Armin, or as amazing as you Jean, I’m just me, you’d be better off without me anyway,” you said softly. “You should probably get back to whatever you were doing, I didn’t mean to take you away from it.” Wordlessly Jean pulled you into a hug, chin resting on your head.   
“I don’t even have the words to tell you how wrong you are,” he said softly. “So I’ll just hold you until you believe that we need you. You might not be as strong as Mikasa or as smart as Armin but brains and brawn are replaceable. Someone like you, who keeps us all together, who cares so observantly about all of us. You’re one of a kind.”  
“Then why do I feel so alone, so unwanted?” You asked, voice breaking. “I don’t want to love everyone if no one can love me in return,” you added, pressing your face into his chest. He took a breath, holding you a little tighter. You loved Jean’s hugs, more than anything. He gave the best hugs and you felt so safe with him.   
“I love you,” he said softly, almost quietly enough that you couldn’t hear. You laughed at that, shaking your head.   
“I’m sorry,” you said gently. “I’d hate to be you, do you have a death wish? Loving me is the worst thing you could do to yourself.” You knew that it would hurt, knowing you had said that later. Self-sabotaging yourself always hurt at some point, even if it wasn’t in the moment.  
“You don’t mean that.”  
“Yes I do Jean, there is no part of me that is loveable,” you said pushing him away slowly. “There is nothing I can give you that you can’t get from someone prettier, or better than me. Why would you settle for - for me?” you asked, looking up at him sadly. “You deserve so much better.”  
“It hurts me when you talk about yourself like that. I hate that you don’t see yourself the way I do. You have a beautiful soul y/n, and I love that about you. I don’t love you just because your funny, or because you always know how to make everyone feel better. I love you because you deserve to be cherished. You’re so amazing and you can’t seem to see it.”  
“Stop,” you breathed softly, brushing the tears from your face as you blushed from embarrassment.  
“I’m not done, I don’t want only the good parts. I want this part of you. I want to hold you and help you put yourself back together, I want the bad and even the ugly parts because they’re you. And I don’t want half of you, I want all of you, tears and all.” He said brushing a tear from your cheek with his thumb. “Let me love you y/n”  
“What if I disappoint you?” You asked, voice thick with tears.  
“Then we’ll work through it, you’re going to disappoint me, and I’ll disappoint you. That’s part of the curse of being human.” Biting your lip you wiped your eyes, taking a breath before looking up at him. “I- I love you too,” you said looking away before you could see his disgust. Getting the point he gave you a moment before coaxing you to look at him.   
“I know, it’s cute that you thought I didn’t know,” he said with a soft smirk. You reddened at that, shifting nervously. “I still love you, have for a while. I thought I was being obvious but you didn’t seem to get it,” he said with a sad smile. “Let’s get you some new clothes, you smell.”  
“You’re not any better Jean,” you said, letting a small watery laugh fall from your lips.   
“We could just take a nice bath together.”  
“Jean!”  
“I’m joking-not really though.”


End file.
